Sunday, February 13, 2011

In Love for 4 days


Can you feign love? A friend of mine decided to put it to the test. She went away with a man she had been casually dating on his promise that her 4 day "Getaway" could be as romantic as ever, in fact he called it "In love for four days", but once they returned it was "back to normal" in terms of their relationship. Back to normal?, she thought. What would that look like after living as a couple for a long weekend?

People put parameters on so many things in their lives. To work out, or not. To buy something for looks or functionality. To put their "Game face" on or to show emotion. All in an effort to do what? Keep true emotions at bay? And are we better for feigning true emotion or is it a protective measure to protect ourselves from being hurt?

So the long weekend happened. According to her they had an amazing time. They slept late, laughed over beers at a local watering hole, walked holding hands along the beach, ate late dinners over candlelight and made love in front of a crackling fire overlooking the ocean. Anyone who saw them certainly would have thought that there was a relationship; a history between these two. Casual friends? Doubtful.

Yet when they returned from their trip, while she was re thinking the casualness of their relationship as she was sure his feelings had changed, he was back to "normal", sticking staunchly to the idea that they were just "friends" and that no connection, nothing meaningful had transpired.

What is it that makes men and women process the same information in a different way? Could she have mis read the signals so dramatically, or did she really not believe him when he said that the trip would change nothing between them? And how could he be so solicitous, so caring for those 4 days going through all the motions but meaning none of them?

Feigning love or any emotion puts those involved in the relationship at risk. Feelings get hurt, hearts get broken and all those painful childhood crush insecurities redevelop.

But for this ConnectedGirl- for those 4 days my friend was happy, happier than I had seen her in a long time. So is there a value in short term happiness at any price? Or was the price in this case too high a price to pay?